I'm a terrible person sometimes

People are mad at me

Three different people got really mad at me this past week—not a mild mad, but a finger-pointing, name-calling, vengeful mad. It was no use to give rebuttals or excuses: these three people were wronged by me, and I deserve their wrath.

I am so very far from perfect.

Photo by Intricate Explorer on Unsplash

I would never dare claim to be perfect, but the fact that I am a Christian who just published a Christian book may set up an expectation that I should do and be better. Since I’ve publicly put my faith out there, my failures will be magnified (maybe even posted online).

There might be people waiting for me to fail so they can call me out as a hypocrite and bad Christian. That doesn’t make me a martyr for my faith. If I’ve hurt and failed others, I still need to repent and ask forgiveness for my wrong actions and words.

Ultimately, I fail God when I wrong people.

In my book’s introduction, I confess: “Anyone who has worked with me will attest that I am not ‘holier than thou’. I walk alongside you… I still have much to learn in both real estate and faith.” It’s a disclaimer of sorts, but again, it doesn’t excuse me.

There are several stories of my failings in The God Layer: Faith Lessons in Real Estate:

• When I attacked a loan officer during a tough transaction (Chapter 5-6);

• When I cut ties with a client when they chose to work with another agent (Ch 3-8);

• When I didn’t support my buyer who wanted to make a low-ball offer (Ch 4-1);

• When I joined an experienced agent’s team and my pride got in the way (Ch 1-3);

• When I forgot to do an estimated net proceeds for a seller who ended up having to bring cash to close (Ch 3-6).

I share these true stories to show that real estate work is a learning process and that I am a work in progress: daily I make mistakes and wrong others. I may be granted forgiveness by Jesus, but I am still a sinner. I want and need to be kinder, humbler, and more loving. I have hope that God can help me do and be better if I look to Him for help.

The book is designed as a “read as you need” guide: when you find yourself in a particular situation, you can check the Table of Contents and find a pertinent chapter for encouragement. You may never read certain chapters; you may return to other chapters many times. For me, today, it’s Chapter 3-7: “When you need to repent,” and Chapter 5-9: “When you know you were wrong.”

Without repentance and confession, there is continued pain: I suffer; those I’ve hurt suffer. Psalm 38:4 illustrates the burden of guilt and regret:

“For my iniquities have gone over my head [like the waves of a flood]; As a heavy burden they weight too much for me.” (Amplified)

“I’m swamped by my bad behavior, collapsed under an avalanche of guilt.” (The Message)

As I write this, God is helping me own up to my failures. Privately, I’ve confessed that I sinned against Him when I caused pain for these three people. Of course God forgives me, but I still feel the avalanche of guilt and regret because...

It's not enough to ask God to forgive me; I also need to ask the people I’ve hurt.

Without confession and reconciliation, I disobey God’s command to love others. I must do the hard and humble work of talking to my three people. I must also commit to do and be better, for God’s glory.

Dear God, please give me the humility and courage to sincerely confess to each of them. Help me earnestly work on my faults so I can be a better witness for You.

Proverbs 28:13 (New Living Translation)

People who conceal their sins will not prosper,
    but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.