Why can't we turn off our phones?
On the glory of monotasking
My latest read
I just finished a super fun read I thought was going to be mindless entertainment but ended up having surprising depth: Living with the Monks, by Jesse Itzler. The subtitle might sound horrifying to some: What turning off my phone taught me about happiness, gratitude, and focus.
It’s interesting to note that on the front cover of the book, Itzler is hyped as a “New York Times Bestselling Author.” That accolade was for his first book, Living with a SEAL: 31 Days Training With the Toughest Man on the Planet. It doesn’t seem that this book about turning off your phone made the Best Seller list (although I’m sure it did well). I mean,
When was the last time you turned off your phone for more than a few hours?
We realtors are especially vulnerable to phone addiction. It’s FOMO to the max for us: we might miss a call from a prospective client—who then moves on to another agent; we might miss an offer for our listing, or a reply to our buyer’s offer. It’s not just the real estate industry; our world has become 24/7/365—no day (Christmas, Sundays) or hour (late night, early morning) is sacred anymore.
Itzler spent 15 days at the New Skete Russian Orthodox monastery in Upstate New York. I did a similar “silent retreat” last August at the Jesuit Retreat Center at Los Altos, outside of San Jose. Mine was only six days, and I cheated: I still turned on my phone a couple times a day to check for messages. I ended up having to make several work calls which entailed hiking off the property.
This silent retreat not only banned cell phones, but we were also not supposed to talk to anyone there except for one hour in the morning and evening at our teaching sessions with Father John. The first day was torturous, especially during meals: we were a couple dozen retreatants and ate together. We sat down and smiled at each other in silence, then had to look at something else as we ate. Since we didn’t have our phones, we enjoyed the beautiful Santa Cruz mountains. But slowly, after the first day or two with my phone mostly off, I was able to embrace the silence and experience slow, joyfully inefficient analog life in real time. There was a table of art supplies, and I picked up a paintbrush for the first time since elementary school.
Somehow, in our phone culture, we have become uncomfortable and unfamiliar with silence and stillness. God, on the other hand, is totally comfortable with me talking about anything with him—or being completely silent, just basking in his presence.
The retreat center has many paths, including a “Stations of the Cross” and a “Rosary Walk.” I was raised in a Baptist church and now love my Vineyard church; being in a Catholic environment was a new experience for me. Before deciding to attend this retreat, I prayed and consulted with God. He told me to disregard manmade labels like “Catholic” or “Protestant” and just seek Him. And like He promises in Jeremiah 29:13 (below), I always found God ready to meet me!
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)
Freedom not to constantly check my phone
To my surprise, all my clients waited patiently for me to respond within 24 hours. I learned it’s not necessary to check my phone every 10 minutes! I realized it’s just like when I’m in an appointment for a few hours—I always put my phone away and give my full attention to who I’m with. Doesn’t God deserve my full, undivided attention?
Indeed, one of Itzler’s major learnings was the art of monotasking: being fully present and focused only on the one thing you are doing, whether it’s washing dishes or savoring a meal in silence. The cell phone has created a culture where we are never fully engaged: most of us are guilty of being with others but still checking our phone. We miss so much of the conversation, the body language and expressions.
Since the retreat, I have tried to remember and recapture the freedom of not being tied to my phone. I turn it (and my internet router) completely off when I go to bed. During the day, I have it faced down with the ringer off. Instead of being a constant distraction, checking messages has become secondary to my primary goal for the day or that hour. Although there are still many stretches where I am on my phone, non-stop talking and texting with several different clients and friends simultaneously, it no longer hijacks my personal time.
Remember personal time?
Let’s not let our phones blur the lines between work and personal time.
After the retreat, I ordered my own watercolor supplies to begin a now-daily “worship painting” practice. I also started a Jesuit practice called “The Spiritual Exercises.” For the past nine months, I’ve met weekly by Zoom with a Spiritual Director named Stephanie; we just finished earlier this week. I now have some new tools for deeper prayer and Bible study, for example: using my senses and imagination to read between the lines of the Bible; repeated reading and meditation of the same Bible passage for multiple days; and periodically stopping for an honest review of my words and actions throughout the day (known as The Examen). When I paint, or meet with God in prayer and silence, I try to recreate the monotasking at the retreat center and be fully present.
I believe with all my heart that when we are fully engaged or monotasking with the person or activity in front of us, the quality of our life and relationships blossom with meaning and purpose.
A friend of mine I’ve known for at least a dozen years recently commented, “Ali, I don’t know how it is that we have connected so well of late but I’m very grateful for it.” It was a God wink for me—I have recently invested more time to care and pray for this friend, and God is showing me ways to show his love for her.
I’m still plenty selfish, but I am trying to think of others more. It’s taken me 55 years to understand this is the whole purpose of my life. The phone can be a useful tool to connect with and show others love. But in order to get my heart to a place where I can love others, I have to turn off my phone, return to the space and stillness at the retreat center, and let God connect and inspire me with His love.
Oahu Real Estate: Flood damage and insurance
I recently trained our 20 Degrees North Real Estate agents on how to help our clients before, during, and after a major storm. Hawaii suffered historical rain and wind damage in March—many homeowners suffered water intrusion damage. Do you have adequate homeowner’s and flood insurance coverage? Also, the FEMA flood maps are updating in June—is your home now in a flood zone requiring flood insurance? Please reach out to me for more info!
Here’s a great resource on How to Get Flood Ready.